I admit when I first found out I was pregnant I laughed and then I cried.
I will always be happy to add another child to our family, but pregnancy is hard and I've done it so many times.
BUT..... I have really fallen in love with this baby, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant again and bring another child into this world.
Our ultrasound revealed a few little complications.
It may just be that the baby was in a difficult position, or it may be that he needs more time to develop and is perfectly fine.
We have another ultrasound in a few weeks, but this is what we know at this point....
The baby has cysts on his brain - very common actually, but if there are other problems they suspect trisomy (down syndrome, or other syndromes). They also had trouble detecting heart valves. This leads them to consider down sydrome since a very high percentage of down syndrome babies have heart defects.
We are totally ok with having a down syndrome child - in fact we would see it as a blessing. Children with down syndrome are very special, and though there are difficulties we would love him so much.
I worry of course that it could be something else much worse (I really need to stay off the internet), or that my baby won't survive.
The thought of going through labor (the most painful and difficult thing I've ever had to do, but I get through it because I know I'll get to have my baby!) , and then not getting to take a baby home would be much harder than I think I can bear.
These thoughts have consumed me the past few weeks, and it has been difficult to concentrate on other things.
Prayers, fasting, and a very special priesthood blessing have helped me feel at peace with whatever the outcome may be.
Just have to keep having faith!
the smell of rain
peanut butter toast