I'm so grateful to my friend (Kimberli) for taking these pictures.
I've never had sweet little pictures of me loving on my babies.
I'm always too self conscious about the way I look after having my babies.
I didn't even know she was taking them until afterwards.
I remember once going to a funeral of a tiny newborn baby.
He had only lived 11 hours before he passed away.
It was heartbreaking.
The mom and dad both shared some thoughts at the funeral that have stuck with me forever.
With their little Kyler they had no regrets.
They had loved him fully and completely, and hadn't made any parenting mistakes with him.
From that moment I wanted to be able to say the same thing about all of my children.
It's so easy with my babies.
They're so innocent and squishable!
I can't get enough of their sweet little soft bodies and giggles.
But as they grow and become more independent (and naughty!), it's so much harder.
I raise my voice too much.
I get impatient.
I get selfish with my time.
I just get tired.
Last night as I was mopping the floor (for the 5 millionth time this week), Landon came running inside. Of course he only had a diaper on, and he was filthy dirty from helping daddy do yard work. He was getting tired, and it was close to bedtime. I really wanted to finish mopping and get upstairs to relax with my hubby after a very long day. But Landon brought me a huge pile of books and said "Read a me?" How could I resist a snuggle with my dirty boy?? We read his favorite books first, and he was fast asleep after the 2nd book. I sat and held him, and I was filled with so much love for my precious little boy. What if I had told him to wait until I finished mopping, or had asked one of the kids to read to him instead? I would have missed out on that little moment.
I'm so grateful that photographs can capture some of the moments of joy and stir up the memories.
My memory gets worse and worse as I get older.
It picks and chooses what it's going to remember, and when something else is going to disappear.
I remember funny things about my little kids like what it felt like to brush Akayla's hair, or the way Corina would scrunch her nose when she giggled, or Tanner's little scruffy boy voice, or the tone of Adriana's one-note song, or how surprised I was to see my eyes when Annalisa was born, or the way Mariah would come quietly sit on my lap, or Elora's baby-soft ivory skin, or Leandra's belly laugh, or Landon's heart-melting smile, and of course Mason's adorable everything.
But I wish I could go back in time sometimes. I would enjoy more of the moments that I missed, and I would erase some of the things I regret happening. I would hug my kids even more, and I wouldn't allow myself to worry about the messes made or the laundry that wasn't finished.
So, since I can't go back in time - I'll just try to remember from this moment on.
Real life is about the moments.
I better get off this computer and go make some more memories!
sleeping with the window open