Wednesday, January 14, 2015

just for joy!

I had no trouble whatsoever deciding what my New Year's resolution needed to be this year.

This has been without a doubt the hardest year I've ever faced.

Not that good things haven't happened in my life - I mean great things, and my favorite people in the world surround me always, and I truly love the life I live!

But that does not mean that I feel happy.  

Isn't that ridiculous to admit?

And most people may not even know that I have struggled with this.

I guess I have just been weighed down with stress and - let's face it - I have been feeling sorry for myself.  

That's a gigantic problem, and I have felt a huge need to feel the peace and joy that I felt just last year at this time.  

Change is a killer for me..... oh how I wish I could adapt better and just go with the ebb and flow of life, but the hardest changes for me are the ones that have me sending my children off.  And those are changes that will be occurring every other year for the next many many years!  

Happily I am learning that it is not as painful as I thought it would be to have them go, since they do come back.  And they are better and happier than they were before  because they have had the chance to spread their wings and fly a bit.  

I just know that God is a patient one.  
I also know that He loves me.
I also know that He wants me to be happy.

As I was praying to know what I should work on this year I knew it was simple.....

*I might have to really concentrate and push negative thoughts away some days.  
*I always have to listen to uplifting music, and I also choose to read scriptures and pray daily so that the spirit will fill me with peace and happiness.  
*I also have a goal to go to bed at 10:30 and get up at 6:30 because I think getting enough sleep affects the way I feel every day
*I plan to stick with my healthy eating plan because I've never felt so great, but I do think that exercise every day would help me feel even better!!

The last day of our Christmas break I was able to go to the temple with my husband, and I was waiting for him as he was dressing (I always end up getting done way before him), so I was reading the scriptures.  I just happened to open up to 2 Nephi 22:22-26 (which are actually very powerful verses - but also very pertinent to me at this time!)

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
 23 And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.
 24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
 25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. 

 So it was just a tiny little reminder to me that God is mindful of me - and He was speaking to me that day.  He speaks to me in many ways.  Sometimes it's through feelings, or it's in a little verse of scripture I might read, or it might be a thought during the day, or it might be something that takes some time as I ponder His words and my own thoughts.  But He always answers my heartfelt prayers.  And I do know that He wants me to feel joy in the simple things again.  He wants me to enjoy the life He has given me because it is a grand and a beautiful one! 

JUST SOME RANDOM PICTURES FROM Dave's phone from the holidays: 
on the freeway we were hit by a deer
that came straight at us!
I never realized how DUMB those animals are!

a couple of pictures Dave took of our Thanksgiving "feast"
(remember that we ate at about 10:00 p.m. - eye roll)
I think at this point I was massaging my feet on the couch.
I'm cracking up at Tanner's dorky face in the 2nd picture though,
and our classy place settings
(I'm usually very particular about the table)
I obviously didn't care at that point

visiting daddy at seminary

Anna's Jazz Band concert
(you'll see Anna better in the 2nd picture -
she's the only one in a white shirt.
They were out of the required blue shirts haha!)

Mariah & Elli's clogging Christmas performance at the mall
Only Dave was able to go watch :(

another picture of our Christmas family service project

the clogging Christmas party at Deleta skating rink

pictures from our traditional Shepherd's night......
the night that made Christmas for me.
Silly costumes and a simple meal, but the things we talked about
and the feelings we shared will be etched in my memory forever!

some of my students playing at a Care Center

good things:
peaceful thoughts
missionary mail
teenage daughters who can cook


Kassie said...

This completely resonates with me! I have been in the doldrums too. My word for the year (actually 2) is Cheerful and Stickety-tuity! I'm really striving to find the joy I used to have in motherhood and SHOW it. I think my kids only know me as the crotchety task-master. I do love my life and my family and I need to exhibit that. The Stickety-tuity refers to my desire to also stick with my eating plan. I'm really good til about 3-4 pm. Trying to find better snacks for those snacky times. Good luck with yours. You look awesome!
The Lord has been answering my struggle with lines in music, scriptures, blog posts and memes on FB. Amazing how he knows our hearts and those things we haven't even expressed in prayer. I am going to write a blog post about his subtle and tender mercies.
Wishing you a joyFULL year!

Heidi said...

I decided to make my scripture focus for the year about joy too! I love this talk by Barbara Winder

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