Wednesday, May 14, 2008

FAITH

I have never been good at expressing my feelings, so I hope this comes out right. We have been experiencing a financial trial for the past year. I won't go into any details, especially because our families already know about it. Lately I have felt like we are falling into a huge deep pit that we will never be able to climb back out of. I feel like this is a huge test of our faith. I know that righteous people experience trials and I know I have learned a lot already from this. Even through the hard times the Lord has dropped little blessings our way to help me see that His hand is always present in my life and that He is aware of my needs. The past few days I was being really negative and really questioning my own faith. I was starting to wonder if the Lord just lets things happen and doesn't really step in. If maybe people have bad things happen randomly rather than the Lord being a part of it. In my personal prayers the last few nights I have plead for the Lord to "help thou my unbelief". Yesterday the Lord practically shouted at me to help me see clearly. I turned on the radio (I listen to the BYU-I classical station) at the exact time the devotional was starting and they shared my favorite scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths". In my personal scripture study I experienced the same thing. It seemed every verse I read clearly showed that the Lord has experienced my trials with me, and there is a plan and the Lord has not forsaken me. My hope and faith have been renewed. I know things don't always turn out the way we might want them to, but I know that the Lord is on my side and He will make my burdens lighter.

Good things:
Personal revelation
My testimony
Support from dear friends and family

12 comments:

Genelle said...

Well, Ang, you can always come to our house to lick the bowl clean! We, (well mostly Dad) know how you feel to be in a tight spot. However, I know the Lord will eventually pull through. You sure are patient. I don't think I could do what you do.

Carissa Johnson said...

It's true, Ang. We have been making jokes about how our meals are starting to look like something from the Christmas Carol with Tiny Tim's family. Lol! Dad wanted to lick the pan of our german pancakes.
You are such a good example to me. Faith during times of trial is something I struggle with. Mom is good at calming my anxieties. You should call her whenever you're stressed about finances.

Ang said...

Carissa - I do call when I am stressed, but I start feeling like I'm complaining too much.

Genelle said...

We love you Ang!
We're having German Pancakes on Friday, so you can lick the pan, if you want.
Actually, Erin's been feeding us lately! She comes in with her arms full of groceries... and if she didn't, we'd probably starve. (or at least lose weight)
Mom said you needn't worry about you complaining to her, that's what Moms are for. ;)

julie said...

Hi Angela, I just got home and Carissa and Genelle said I had to come and read your blog...we are all inspired by your faith and example. This is a difficult trial for all of us...with the economy in a recession.....etc. But we will make it through Ang. Hang in there. I think about the pioneers, and our ancestors, so many trials and hardships that they endured. We can do it too huh? Love ya, Mom

Brandon Johnson said...

Ang, I think one day we'll look back and thank the Lord for the trial he gave to us. I, of course, have also had times like yours of feeling negative with the situation we were dealt, and times of questioning my faith and feeling it hard to forgive a certain person with initials RT... But I know that I have learned a great deal from this already and I have had to dig deep inside to forgive, which I think has helped me draw closer to the Savior.

I love it when you pray for answers or you are seeking for some answer and you hear a lesson or open the scriptures and the lesson is specifically for you! It's amazing how well the Lord knows us each individually. That is why we should rely on him. He can see all!

You are a great example Ang, and an inspiration to all of us. Just do what the scripture says and rely on the Lord. We will be blessed unmeasurably some day.

Ayrial Johnson said...

Thank you so much for your last blog! It's so hard to understand, and sometimes we don't ever fully understand, why Heavenly Father puts such difficult trials in front of us. That's why I'm so thankful to have the Gospel. It helps me put my life into perspective. I know Heavenly Father loves us, and knew that we needed to go through this trial. Even though it's so tough to feel like we can barely get through to the next paycheck, I can see how this trial has blessed us already.

So many marriages are ruined by financial struggle, it's terrible. I feel like this has pulled Brandon and I together. We've had to look at the things that are really important to us, our girls, our families, the gospel, and each other. We are so blessed! It seems like you and Dave, and Mom and Dad have had similar experiences. Us 'stay-at-home' mom's, have suddenly had to help out with the bills, and even though it's been tough, I know Brandon can now appreciate what my 'mommy' job is all about, and vise versa. We've had to really rely on each other to keep our home running, and it's been a good thing for us.

I know this will be a small blip in our lives, that we'll all look back on and laugh about one day. We sure love you guys! (we're still planning on coming up this summer to visit. How does June look for you?)

Katie said...

Ang,
I read your blog just on the day I needed it. Thanks for posting!
Katie

Gina Hallam said...

Your family is in our prayers. We love you....all of you :) We know the feeling all too well, and it's not fun, but remember that the Lord is there and "He has bourne our griefs" Hold on...Michael McClean says that :) BIG HUG from me :)

Tamara said...

Ang, I had no idea you were struggling with such difficult trials - you are always so positive!! (Have I mentioned how much I love reading your "Good Things"?)
Isn't it wonderful to know that the Lord is mindful of you and hears your prayers, he knows the desires of our hearts, and feels our pain as we experience these trials. I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost - "The Comforter" - that blesses our heart and mind with the peace that we need to endure.
You are in my prayers!
Love, Tamara

The Ridings said...

It is amazing at how many of us share the same trials and don't always share them with each other. All of Livvie's therapists can put a strain on us but some how the Lord always provides. At least your car didn't break on the way home from Utah! Or did it? LOL! Ours cost $600.00 OUCH!

The Hulbert Family said...

Yeah it's nice to be reminded of how we need to show faith, every time i hear someone talk about it I start to remember all of the miracles that have been in my life and think to my self, 'why do i ever doubt?" I guess it's human. Who ever knew the first principles and ordinances of the gospel would be so hard to always remember........ Always fighting the natural man.