Wednesday, September 9, 2009

tough love

This is my oldest daughter, Akayla. This is a picture someone took of her on her phone. She is 14.....sometimes we are best friends. It seems that lately we are not getting along as well. I know I'm being really hard on her - I have very high expectations for this girl. I know that she is being a normal - actually no, she's not even that bad - teenager.

She had an assignment given to her LAST WEDNESDAY. She told me (while I was teaching piano lessons) that she needed poster board on Wednesday. I forgot. Luckily she was able to buy some at school from the library on Friday. She forgot to bring it home over the 3 DAY WEEKEND. When she went to school on Tuesday her poster board was missing from the classroom. She came home and told me (while I was teaching piano lessons) that she needed poster board. I was very busy, so when she came home from YW at 9:30 ready to do her poster THAT IS DUE THE NEXT DAY there was no poster board. Dave is working on a masters assignment and can't help. I have 6 other kids who need to go to bed so they can get up at 6:00 tomorrow. I had lunches to make and school papers to sign. AND I WAS IN A BAD MOOD!!

Now, this could have gone 2 ways....I could be the obliging parent and run to Wal-Mart to buy poster board, then I could stay up with her to help her with the poster (she hadn't done anything else to get the poster ready), OR I could say....tough hon, you should have had that poster done over the weekend like your friend who came over. You'll have to figure something out!

That's right....I chose the 2nd not as nice option. I'm willing to help my kids with things, but I will not be the parent who holds their hand. Akayla is in high school now and she's going to have to learn responsibility.

Well, the guilt took over (it's a problem). This morning I thought I could run out and buy her a poster board and help her finish her poster really quickly before school started. BUT my lovely 14 year old daughter brought out a beautiful poster that she had put together. She had rummaged through a bunch of my scrapbook stuff and came up with something very Akayla-ish.

The assignment was to show who they are NOW and who they want to be in 20 YEARS. On the now side there was pictures of clogging, violin, piano, her family and siblings. On the 20 years (2029!!!) her goals were so clear that it put tears in my eyes. She wants to graduate from BYU in music performance, and then go on to Juliard. She wants to be sealed in the temple and have a large family. She plans to teach music. Most of the kids in the class had pictures of the ferrari's and big houses they plan to have in 20 years though they had no idea what job they might want to have.

My 14 year old daughter has her head on her shoulders! She knows what is important in this life. Sometimes we argue and I'm too hard on her, but that Akayla girl of mine is awesome!

good things:
imagining my daughter in 20 years
whole wheat banana pancakes
4-day weeks

6 comments:

Erin said...

I think that's just the role of mother's and daughters.. to argue. I love my mom to death but I fight with no one like I fight with my mom. She still loves you the best though! :)

When are you guys coming down again?

disillusioned said...

She is who she is in part, at least, cause she has a mom who will be hard on her (when she needs it). No need to feel guilty in my opinion. It was her problem to solve...and obviously, she is capable of solving it!

Mary P.

Our Family said...

Wow - that's inspiring! You almost made me tear up. I love it when our kids amaze us and set their goals high.
Heidi

Kaylyn said...

The hardest job on the earth is being a Mom. I sat here smiled and shook my head as you where describing what happened. Just because I have not had a child yet that hasn't done that! I have finally got to the point with my kids that I say, "I'm sorry thats no longer MY problem" when they tell me that something HAS to be done by tomorrow. Drives me CRAZY!!! That is so awesome that she figured it out on her own! I did tear up when I read what she wrote. She has been taught by the best. Not only in word, but example. Good job Mom!

gladmor said...

Well it sounds like she put together something better becasue she didn't have poster board.

yeah I already feel bad just taking things away from Henrik so I can only imagine it's harder as they are older and you face many more challenges.

Oh did you find out what you are having?

gladmor said...

Oh that is me - Janel Hulbert