This is the hardest year of my mothering life - difficult toddlers, fussy infant, frustrating teenagers, and all the issues of the middle kids. There's never enough money to take care of our many needs let alone our wants. I'm not getting enough sleep and there is too dang much on my plate that I just can't seem to find the time to get it all done!
But the negativity isn't working for me.
It certainly doesn't make me feel better about my divine role that I normally love so much. I've been allowing myself to sink into the "depths of despair" (my overly dramatic Anne of Green Gables reference hee hee ), even though I know this is just a small moment of hard in a great many years of wonderful. Toddlers grow up, and so do teenagers!
On Friday my friend Heidi came over for lunch.
We've been friends for many many years and have seen each other through all kinds of good and bad times.
She has 6 kids, so we are both busy and don't get to talk enough.
I told her about some of my struggles, and she told me she was surprised.
She said that when she reads my blog she feels discouraged because it seems like I have it all together.
I want to make it perfectly clear to anyone who ever reads my blog that I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER.
I don't say anything on my blog about the argument I had with Corina the other night, or the nagging I get so tired of with Tanner, or the times I'm impatient with Lea, or the embarrassment when our neighbors across the street brought Landon back sans shoes or coat because I was teaching piano and didn't notice he left. I certainly don't mention anything about Adri and Annalisa fighting over silly things, or Mariah and Elli moping because I got upset with them about not getting their piano practicing done.
I definitely have my ups and downs, and I have no desire to be super mom...... that's way too much pressure, and I could never keep up with it! Let someone else be that!
I adore my kids, but they're not perfect (and neither am I).
Life isn't easy, but I have hope.
Today in church the speaker talked about parents role as teachers.
It was a powerful reminder to me, and I needed to hear it so much.
I was mostly reminded that my kids aren't mine. They are God's children, and He knows their hearts and He knows my heart. He knew we needed each other.
There have been so many times in the past 18 years that I have gone to Him in prayer pleading for answers and guidance as a mother.
He has always answered and given me the exact inspiration I needed at the time.
He has filled my mouth with the words I couldn't find when my children have had questions.
He has filled my heart with love for them, and has given me the desire to keep pressing on.
I love being a mom even when it's hard!
I love this precious baby, and I wish I could capture his soft skin, his squishy belly, and the smell of his neck somehow....... I hope that when I see pictures and videos of my kids later I will be able to remember all of the good. I have a feeling all the bad will just disappear and I will just miss this time!
|Mr. Mason 4 months|
Dave taking care of the sick kids at home so I could go to church and hear the talks and lessons uninterrupted