Thursday, October 30, 2014

Hi. My name is Angela.

I have a problem.  I think I'm even an addict.

I really love the sound of a quiet house.

That might not sound like such a big problem - unless you know that I happen to have 10 children.  (Okay okay, only 8 of them still live here - but one of them is Landon and another of them is Lea.... so it still counts as 10 because Akayla and Corina weren't very noisy at all ---- unless they were laughing hahahaha!!)

So in order to enjoy even just a few minutes of my quiet house I have to stay up really really late...... AFTER we've cleaned up all the chaos of the day, after we've gathered our family around and prayed together, after Dave has taken the littles upstairs, brushed their teeth, read them stories, turned on their music and laid down by them until they finally fall asleep; AFTER my middle kiddos have gotten their clothes and lunches ready for the next day, finished practicing piano, cello or flute, asked me 47,000 questions, and had a few little panic attacks about something or other that I have to take care of now!;  AFTER my teenagers have finished up the last of their homework, eaten a late snack, told me every detail about their love life (and it's always a very good story, I must admit), and checked facebook and instagram at least 3 times and then finally decided it was time for bed; and even AFTER spending a few sweet minutes talking with my best friend in the whole world, eating popcorn with him, and then praying together......... then it's finally MY TIME!  

I usually read scriptures and write a little in my own private journal -- man it's nice to have some thoughts that are JUST MINE!  

Sometimes a mom feels like she has to share everything.

And I've got to admit something right here.......  

You know how there's a Terrible Two's phase and a Ferocious Fours phase?

Well, maybe there isn't a name for it or anything - but I think moms go through phases too.

I think sometimes there are just lousy stages we go through.

Right now I'm going through kind of a lousy phase.

For awhile there I felt like I was right on top of things.......
**Dinner was always on time,
**I was caught up on laundry, 
**I was exercising every day,
**My scripture reading was top notch,
**We were on time to church every week (and my kids were perfectly well behaved.......
well maybe not that one haha - maybe when Landon gets older!)
**My house was perfectly spotless

Now I feel like I'm just not quite perfect at any of those things (now that I'm looking at that list I'm realizing it's also because school started, so I doubled the amount of students I teach and my kids went back to school so no helpers - no wonder!!!!), and IT'S SO DISCOURAGING!!!

I absolutely love my life, and I love having a big family.

It is the greatest privilege in the world that I get to spend my days serving these wonderful people that God sent to be my children.

But I would be a big fat liar if I said it wasn't hard.

And I would be totally kidding myself if I didn't admit that some days I lose my patience, or I say things unkindly, or I just plain act selfishly.

(Especially if I stay up too late enjoying the quiet house the night before!
So goshdangit....... I really need a secret room in my house where my kids can't find me.
A room that's completely soundproof.)

But even though it's an exhausting and tedious job sometimes having this life -- I would absolutely choose it again if I could go back and do it all over again!  (Though maybe I would try to somehow be rich if I could start over so I could get myself a maid and a personal chef haha!)

I do believe that what I'm doing is of great worth.

These little people that I spend my days with might make the biggest messes you've ever seen, but they also make me whole..... and I need them.  They are my little tiny soul-mates!

This song gets me through tough days, and no matter how many times I listen to it I cry..........

But I think it relates to everyone and not just moms.
Because we all have so much stuff going on.

I really think the Lord needs each of his daughters to know how much He loves us.

I think the greatest truth in my life is knowing that my Father in Heaven knows me personally.

When I think of each one of my 7 beautiful daughters I desperately want each of them to have that same knowledge.

I will never forget being at Girl's Camp when I was probably 13 years old, and we were on a Vesper Trail.  I happened to be alone for a few moments, and I was overcome with a desire to know if God loved me.  So I knelt down right there on the trail and prayed my little heart out.  I knew without a single doubt that there was a God in heaven and that He was MY Father.  I also knew that He answered my simple little prayer, and that I was important to Him.  I didn't have many friends at that time in my life, but I had a loving Father in Heaven!

I don't think phases last very long - just like terrible two's don't last forever!

Hopefully it's just a little funk and I'll start getting more organized again (or maybe I'll just start getting more sleep!!).

Life really is very sweet!

good things:
Halloween parties
funny kids


Kassie said...

I'm right there with you. But I blame my funk on my medical emergency a couple of years ago. Feel like my brain will never be quite the same. For some reason trying to do the same things I've done for years feels so overwhelming.
I think you are pretty amazing. How you keep up with it all I don't know. I tried to run a little business this year but the salon I was working out of closed and boy! Am I Glad! I have no idea how I thought I could fit working into those super busy after school hours.
Keep on keeping on!

Cami said...

I could have written that whole post! Those are the exact words that run through my mind as I am doing "little kid" stuff all day, and "teen" stuff late into the evening. Everyone is fast asleep and I try to soak in the quiet, sometimes until I can keep my eyes open any longer.

I have been dreaming up a room in our attic (access is in my closet…even more perfect) with a drop down latter and a big comfy chair just for me! I have spent more than a few minutes thinking about WHERE I can add a secret room!! haha, not going to happen, but I get an A for effort!

Glad to know I am not alone :) Hmmmm, maybe I'll go grab a latter and see what it looks like up in the attic…some sheetrock, paint…a chair???

painty (Melinda) said...

Hey, this is Melinda, Heidi Neal's sister. I'm pretty sure it was you I remember in a photo with Heidi from high school when you both had a pillow in your shirt pretending to be pregnant. Lol! Look at you now! It's fun to see your beautiful family!